


I want us to share a coffin.

by Thegreatsnotdragon



Series: Round Fish, Panda Sweaters and Whoopi Goldberg [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Again, Also Garth discovers pilates, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, And trying to make it work godammit!, Angst and Humor, Bisexual Dean Winchester, But he's trying, Cas is still bad at feelings, Dean Needs A Hug, Established Relationship, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Hipster Castiel, Jealous Dean, Just me having a weird sense of humor, M/M, No actual coffins or death, They're Really in Love, Trust Issues, but that's not relevant to the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 16:30:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13574454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thegreatsnotdragon/pseuds/Thegreatsnotdragon
Summary: Dean is TOTALLY over what happened, except SPOILER ALERT; no he's not.





	I want us to share a coffin.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how well this works as a standalone, it is its own story, but also very much a sequel. I would recommend reading the first one, because I think they work best together. A huge and sincere thank you to everyone who left kudos and commented on There are no round fish. I loved reading every single comment, even the ones that weren't inherently positive. I was also amazed that more than one person read it.

It’s been three months, and Dean is totally over what happened. Completely.

Ok, so maybe he saw Cas talking to some guy in the hallway last Thursday and maybe a voice in his head whispered that they were standing just a _little_ too close to each other. And maybe he wonders who the guy is, and how Cas knows him, and also if Cas slept with him that night last week when he said he couldn’t hang out because he had to study. Except he doesn’t wonder that. At all. Because he trusts Cas, and he’s totally over what happened. Completely.

He’s heading over to Cas’s dorm, bright and early on a Saturday. But it’s just because Cas went out with Meg last night, and Dean misses his boyfriend. Not like he’s checking up on him and making sure that he did actually go to sleep in his own bed last night. It’s also not like he spent most of last night ignoring his friends and overanalyzing the photos Meg kept posting of her and Cas to instagram. Nope. That is a thing Dean did not do.

He texted to let Cas know he’s coming, but there was no reply. He might still be sleeping. _Or maybe he’s just ignoring you_ , that nagging voice in Dean’s head says. He tells it to shut up, and knocks on the door to Cas’s dorm.

“Hey Cas, it’s me!” He calls through the door.

There are shuffling sounds coming from inside the room, and then the door opens. Cas looks barely awake, but when he meets Dean’s eyes he smiles happily. He’s wearing one of Dean’s band t-shirts and black boxers. He looks delicious, and Dean is only human, so he closes the distance between them in a flash. He relishes in the familiarity of Cas’s lips against his, and feels Cas let out a soft sigh. Cas’s hands travel up Dean’s back, pulling him closer, and Dean lets out an unintentional moan.

“I feel like I should announce my presence before this goes any further.” Says a voice from the other side of the room.

They break apart, Cas letting out a soft laugh. Kevin, who’s Cas’s roommate is sitting on his bed, looking at his laptop.

“Oh, hey Kev. Sorry” Dean says.

“Hi.” Kevin replies, in a vaguely annoyed tone.

He has the same look on his face that he always does, a look that says; don’t talk to me, I have important shit to deal with. He gets up, shrugs on a hoodie and folds his laptop under his arm.

“I’m going to the library.” He announces. “Where it’s quiet.”

He shuffles past them with an irritated huff.

“Have fun!” Dean calls after him.

They end up on the bed after that, tangled together in a warm cuddly embrace.

“Did you have fun last night?” Dean asks.

Cas smiles sleepily, and reaches a hand up to Dean’s face. “It was nice, but I missed you.”

“Yeah?” Dean says and he hates the insecurity the creeps into his voice.

Cas doesn’t seem to notice though, just lets his fingers graze Dean’s cheek gently.“You’re supposed to say you missed me too.” He pouts.

“I didn’t, I was with my other boyfriend. Hank.”

Cas sticks his tongue out.

Dean chuckles, and lets his hand travel up to Cas’s face. “Of course I missed you. I always fucking miss you.”

Cas smiles a pleased smile and leans in to peck Dean on the lips. “Good.” 

“So what did you guys do?” Dean asks.

“We danced, had a few drinks, Meg got hit on a lot.”

“Yeah? What about you, did you get hit on?”

Castiel smiles and gives Dean a pointed look. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” He says teasingly.

Yes, Dean would really like to know. He would very much like a full written account of Cas’s every interaction with other men. But that just isn’t the kind of thing you can ask your boyfriend for without seeming crazy and controlling, so Dean bites his tongue.

 

Things are good between them, they really are. It’s just that sometimes (or maybe more than sometimes), Dean can’t help but feel really insecure, and he doesn’t want to bring it up, because it’s embarrassing and makes him feel clingy.

But when he walks into the library and sees Cas sitting at a table with Aaron, leaning in close talking, he really wants to fucking throw something. Because seeing them together brings back very unpleasant memories, and also what the fuck? Are they like friends or something now? Cas never mentioned it. _Wouldn’t_ _be the first time he’s kept something from you_ , Dean’s traitor brain chimes in with helpfully.

He walks up to them, tapping Cas on the shoulder. Cas turns to him with a small smile, a smile that would usually make Dean feel lighter, but not this time.

“Dean, are you upset?” Cas asks, as they’re walking out together.

Dean’s sure he’s radiating tension, and he hasn’t taken Cas’s hand like he usually would. “I just… I didn’t know you guys still talked.” He says in clipped tones.

“We don’t,” Cas says, reaching his hand up to Dean’s shoulder. “We just ran into each other and started talking.”

“Okay.” Dean says, but he doesn’t mean it.

Cas wasn’t actually doing anything and he doesn’t sound like he’s lying, not that Dean is sure he would be able to tell. _Yeah that’s kinda the problem,_ the voice in his brain says.

“Dean, slow down. Look at me.”

Dean slows down and turns toward Cas. Cas, whose blue eyes are wide, worried and seemingly earnest.

“I love you.” He says, hands planted firmly on both sides of Dean’s face.

Dean wants it to be enough, but in that moment, it’s not.

 

“ _Mm_.”

They’re wrapped around each other on Cas’s bed and it’s _so_ good. Then suddenly that warmth is gone and Dean is cold.

Cas is sitting on the bed, looking flushed.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asks.

“Nothing, I’m just not in the mood.” Castiel declares.

He’s not in the mood. Which is fine. And normal. No one can want sex all the time, it’s perfectly fine and normal. It doesn’t mean anything. At all. _Or he’s not in the mood because he’s sleeping with someone else, and not interested in you anymore,_ Dean’s traitor brain supplies.

They end up watching some movie on Netflix, but Dean can’t concentrate on it, because one, he’s still kind of horny, and two, he’s also got a lot of paranoid thoughts running through his head.

 

In a bar, on a saturday; the shit hits the fan.

“You look deranged.” Jo says, snickering at Dean’s tense expression.

Dean keeps his gaze trained on Cas, who’s still engaged in conversation with the guy in a bowler hat across the room. “He’s totally hitting on him right? I’m not just imagining that?”

“Yep, he’s definitely trying to steal your man.”

Dean groans, and lets his head fall down onto the table. “Unbelievable.” He mutters. “Right in front of my fucking face.”

All those ugly feelings he’s been trying to keep a lid on for the past few months are rushing to the surface. Cas has been talking to that guy for like half an hour. They even kind of look like a couple. That guy with his fucking hipster glasses and hat, and Cas with his fucking hipster sweater.  

“Dean…” Jo says, in a gentler tone. “Why don’t you just go over there if it’s really bothering you.”

“Because!” He snaps, lifting his head slightly, “I shouldn’t have to drag my boyfriend away from other men in bars! Why the fuck has he been flirting with another guy for the past thirty minutes?! Isn’t that the better question?!”

“Dean come on, he’s Cas. He’s a little clueless, he probably has no idea what’s happening.”

That’s a reasonable statement, but Dean’s a little too worked up to listen to reason right now.

“Fuck my life.” He grumbles, dropping his head back down.

“What’d I miss?” Charlie says cheerfully, returning from the restroom.

“Cas is still getting hit on, Dean is jealous, and a little pathetic.” Jo supplies.

_And humiliated._

“You’re a _bad friend_.” Dean says.

Jo snorts. “Dean I’m serious, go over there, and talk to him.” She says in her _so sick of your bullshit_ voice.

“Oh wait, no need.” Charlie says.

Dean looks up and Cas is standing right there. He’s smiling and beautiful, and Dean is so pissed he can’t see straight. Cas starts to open his mouth to say something, but Dean beats him to it.

“Strike out?” He asks.

Cas cocks his head to the side, clearly taken aback by Dean’s demeanor. It’s what Charlie would refer to as his douche persona, all cocky smiles and one liners but brimming with anger underneath.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asks stepping in closer.

“I’m gonna head out.” Dean says, ignoring his boyfriend’s question, and getting out of his seat.

“Can I come with you?” Cas asks, eyes wide and questioning.

“Do whatever you want, it’s what you always fucking do!” Dean snaps.

He takes in the hurt and confusion on Cas’s face, before going out the door.

Normally he would feel like and ass for yelling at Cas, but his brain is already overcrowded with other emotions. Namely hurt, betrayal, humiliation, jealousy and insecurity. Just to name a few.

“Dean! Wait!”

Dean sighs heavily and turns to face Cas. He really doesn’t want to do this right now but he’s not about to physically run away from his boyfriend. “What?!” He barks.

“Will you at least tell me why you’re angry?!” Cas says, eyes blazing in the darkness. “You can’t just snap at me for no reason!”

“Fuck, really? Maybe because you were flirting with another guy all night, right in front of me!?”

“What?! Dean that’s..!We were just talking!”

“He was hitting on you Cas! He kept touching your arm!”

“Fine, but I didn’t realise or I would have left. You’re overreacting.”

“No Cas, fuck that! You do _not_ get to tell me I’m overreacting!”

“Why didn’t you just come talk to me, instead of acting this way?!”

“What the fuck was I supposed to say?” Dean yells, and he can feel himself coming undone. “I don’t fucking dictate who you talk to! Am I supposed to tell you that sometimes I get so jealous I feel sick!? That sometimes I want to hide outside your window cause I’m scared you’re cheating on me!? That sometimes I don’t want to let you out of my sight? How am I supposed to tell you that without sounding like a controlling fucking psycho?”

Dean’s ashamed and scared to have said the words aloud, but it’s also such a huge relief. He feels tears spill over and stream down his cheeks. Cas looks stricken, he takes a step towards Dean hesitantly.

“Dean I…” He says, clearly trying to process what Dean just said. “You don’t have any reason to feel that way.”

His tone is soft, but it’s not true.

“Really?!” Dean says, and his voice is still agitated, but less angry. “Don’t I?! I think I might, because a few months ago I was bawling my eyes out every night, while the person I loved and _trusted_ was out fucking someone else!”

He buries his head in his hands, and lets the wave of hurt wash over him. He feels Cas’s hand on him, soft and careful, and hears his soft murmured words. Words like _sorry_ , _so sorry_. He wants to lean in, let himself be comforted in the familiar warmth of Cas’s arms. But he can’t, because Cas isn’t his boyfriend right now, he’s the person who hurt him.

Yeah, turns out, Dean’s not really over what happened.

“Can you just… Can you just go? Please.” He says, not lifting his head up to look at Cas.

There’s a moment of silence before Cas replies. “Okay.” His voice is thick with tears. “I… We’ll talk tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah.”

Dean waits until he can be sure Cas is gone, before lifting his head up and shuffling back to his dorm. It’s about a ten minute walk, and when he gets there he just tugs his pants off before falling into bed. It’s not a full sob fest, but he has got a steady stream of tears going. Eventually he falls asleep, lulled and comforted by the familiar sound of Benny snoring across the room.

 

The next morning when Dean wakes up, he feels… Better. Much better actually. He’s not happy about how things went down last night, but at least now he doesn’t feel like he’s going crazy trying to pretend he’s fine. He opens his phone, and yep, he’s already got a text from Cas; **Can I come over?** It came in about an hour ago. Dean replies; **Yeah, see you soon.** He doesn’t bother getting dressed, but throws on a pair of pajama pants, and keeps the t-shirt he slept in last night on. About five minutes go by, and there’s a knock on the door.

Cas looks like he hasn’t slept, and he’s definitely been crying. But at least he’s dressed, unlike Dean. He’s wearing his usual jeans, and his sweater’s huge, the sleeves are tugged down over his hands like he’s been pulling on them.

“Hey.” Dean says.

“Hi.”

When he’s through the door, they just look at each other, neither one of them speaking. There’s apprehension and fear in Cas’s eyes.

“Can I hug you?” Cas asks, breaking the silence.

Dean steps towards him, and lets Cas wrap his arm around him. “Of course, you don’t have to ask.”

They hug for a long time, before lying down on the bed together. The silence is palpable.

“Do you regret taking me back?” Cas asks, finally breaking it.

Oh. Dean hadn’t thought of how this must look to Cas. He was wrapped up in his own feelings, but now he gets the look of fear in Cas’s eyes.

Cas’s hand is planted on Dean’s waist, so Dean reaches for it and brings it up to his face, placing a kiss on the flat of it. “Never.” He murmurs.

He hears Cas exhale. “But you don’t trust me.”

“I want to.” Dean replies, framing the truth in the least hurtful way.

“And you haven’t forgiven me.”

Dean considers that for a moment, realising it’s not true. “I do forgive you.”

“Dean you don’t have to lie to spare my feelings.”

“I’m not.” Dean says, rolling over to face Cas. “I do forgive you, I’m not angry, or bitter but…”

“What?” Cas says softly, his hand grazing Dean’s cheek.

Dean takes a deep breath, trying to put his feelings into words. Cas just looks at him, eyes weary.

“I wanted to be over it, but I guess I’m still kind of…”

“Hurting.” Cas finishes, when Dean’s voice trails off.

“Yeah.” Dean says, sighing.”And honestly, part of me kind of feels like you cheated.”

Cas is silent for a moment.

“Dean,” He says then, “Do you remember what you said that day, when you took me back?”

“Which part?”

“That the only way this would work was if I stopped keeping things from you.”

“Yeah, I remember.” Dean says, realising exactly what Cas is getting at.

“Doesn’t that go both ways?”

“I should have told you how I was feeling I know, but I was so fucking happy and relieved to have you back. It was dumb, but I guess I just wanted it to be perfect, at least for a while y’know.”

Cas smiles faintly and his fingers graze Dean’s cheek. “It’s not dumb. Nothing you do is dumb.”

“Yeah? What about when Jo bet me I wouldn’t eat that really spicy pepper, so I did, and then threw up all over your nightstand.”

“You did get that free t-shirt.” Cas points out, fingers still trailing over Dean’s face gently.

“Yeah, but you had to buy a new phone, and Kevin called his mom crying. Man, that was a fun night. Wait, what was that restaurant called?”

Cas edges forward and presses a soft kiss to Dean’s lips. “Don’t change the subject.” 

Dean sighs. He _was_ the one to tell Cas that they need to talk about their shit, but it’s much easier to talk the talk, than to walk the walk. And the nice thing about just pretending things were good, was that he didn’t have to face the terrifying possibility that maybe talking about it wouldn’t be enough, maybe nothing would be enough. Maybe they were just… Broken.

He struggles, trying to find the words because he just doesn’t know what to say, how to make it better.

“You feel like I cheated on you.” Cas says.

Dean looks him clear in the eye. “Yeah sort of. I mean, I know technically you didn’t, but Cas, technically doesn’t _mean_ anything. One minute we were together, you told me you loved me, and then I blinked, and you were sleeping with someone else and I just… I felt- _Fuck_.” His voice breaks, and tears spill over his cheeks again.

Unlike last night, this time it feels good to let Cas hold him. Cas doesn’t speak, just rubs his hands in soothing patterns across Dean’s back, breathing steadily.

They stay in that position, until the tears stop pouring. Only then does Cas speak again.

“I betrayed your trust.” It’s not a question.

“Yeah. You did.” Dean takes a deep breath before continuing, “And I don’t know how to fix it. How to fix _us_.”

“Maybe fixing it isn’t on you. I did this.”

“Yeah, but I chose to take you back, so it is on me. It’s on both of us, that’s how relationships work.”

A moment of silence passes between them.

“I need to say something,” Cas says in a strangely tense voice.

He sits up, looking fidgety, nervous.

“Ok…” Dean says, looking up at him suspiciously.

Even now his mind runs to the worst possible scenario.

“You’ve been so good, ever since we got together of letting me know how important I am to you. And I know I haven’t been as forthcoming…” He has his hands clasped together in front of him, looking down at them instead of meeting Dean’s eyes. “It can be… hard, for me to be vulnerable. But Dean, I need you to know, that you are the most important thing in my life. I love you so much, more than I can put into words. And I realise that it will take time for you to trust me again, but know that for you, I would wait forever.”

Dean can’t speak. Because that was… Something. I love you is usually the limit for Cas, as far as expressing his feelings go. But apparently now he gives poetic speeches proclaiming his love.

A glowing warmth spreads through Dean’s chest when he realises what just happened. Cas is...growing. _Willing_ to grow for him. Dean feels a spark of defiance in his gut, and it says that yes, they can make it, despite all this crap, they’re gonna make it.

He does the only thing he can do, reaches up, puts his hands around Cas’s neck, bringing his face down towards Dean’s to crash their lips together. And for that moment they are a tangle of tangle of lips and tongues, sharing breaths and heartbeats.

Then Cas rolls off of Dean and shoots him a reproving look. “You interrupted me.” He says. “There was more.”

“To the speech?” Dean says, grinning.

He scoots closer, and reaches his hand out to play with the collar on Cas’s sweater. Cas nods, blushing.

“Lay it on me baby.” Dean says. “C’mon, tell me more about how much you adore me. Tell me I make your loins quiver.”

Let it be stated for the record that Dean does not know what loins are.

Cas shoots him a glare that’s not particularly convincing because he’s also sporting a blush that makes him look positively bashful. But he does scoot closer, and puts his hand on Dean’s cheek.

“I was going to say that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He whispers, still not meeting Dean’s eyes. “I want marriage and a family, I want us to grow old together. And when I die, I want to be buried next to you.”

With tears in his eyes Dean leans in for a soft kiss. He pulls back from the kiss, and puts his forehead against Cas’s. “I want us to share a coffin, so our rotting corpses can make out.” He says.

A laugh bubbles past Cas’s lips.“I love you.” he says, pressing his lips to Dean’s with fervor. “And that’s disgusting.”

“Did you plan that speech out?” Dean asks, grinning.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Cas replies. “I was worried you were breaking up with me.”

“Yeah, I hate to break it to you, but you’re kinda stuck with me. Turns out I’m really fucking in love with you.”

“As I am with you.”

Cas lets his fingers trail all over Dean’s face, smiling faintly. “Lie still.” He whispers.

“Huh?”

“I want to try something.”

“Ok..?”

Dean lies back hesitantly and looks up at Cas with a questioning expression. Cas just smiles at him, offering no explanation. “Close your eyes.” He prompts.

“Cas what are yo-?”

Cas puts his hand over Dean’s mouth to silence him.

“Just relax. Close your eyes.”

Dean reluctantly closes his eyes and immediately feels Cas press two feather light kisses to each of his eyelids. He feels Cas’s fingers trailing down the entire length of his arms. Soft reverent kisses are pressed to his collarbone, his jaw, the tip of his nose. Dean feels Cas pull up his t-shirt, worshiping his stomach and chest with light presses of lips, and soft touches.

The touching is nice, but also strange, because it doesn’t feel sexual at all. So Dean has no idea what kind of weird ass relaxation exercise this is, but somehow, strangely it’s exactly what he needs in that moment. And when that wave of sadness and hurt crashes over him again, he doesn’t fight it, just let’s it carry him away. He doesn’t register the fact that he’s crying again until he feels Cas fingers on his face again. He opens his eyes, realising that he was relaxed to the point of nearly falling asleep. Huge blue eyes hover over him.

“Hiya gorgeous, you come here often?” Dean says drowsily.

Cas rolls his eyes and smiles. He then drops down behind Dean, effectively little spooning him. Cas presses his lips to Dean’s shoulder, and Dean feels a fresh stream of tears making their way down his face. Cas doesn’t comment on the crying, just holds him, pressing light kisses on the back of his neck and shoulders. And it’s a strange, sad, perfect moment.

Dean thinks that maybe they’re healing, just a little. And maybe Dean is too.

“If you get jealous,” Cas says once the crying has quieted down again. “I’ll understand. I’ll answer your questions and reassure you as much as you need that you have nothing to worry about. I’m yours.”

Dean lets Cas words sink in. _“Dude_ ,” He says, turning around to face his boyfriend, “Since _when_ are you this fucking wise?”

Cas’s face splits open into Dean’s favorite smile, all gummy, eyes bright. “Since I spent all of last night keeping Meg awake, asking her what I should do, and what I should say.”

Dean laughs, because yeah, that makes sense.

“She was very annoyed,” Cas goes on to say. “Apparently she was fornicating and I interrupted.”

Dean laughs and rolls on top of him. “You’re so fucking adorable you know that?”

Cas smiles, but then his face goes serious. “I did mean it. Everything I said. Meg only gave me advice, about how to move forward. And she told me to be open about how I feel about you. More open. But they were my words, my feelings.”

Dean leans down to give him a quick kiss. “I know you meant it baby. I’m kinda proud of you.”

Cas blushes, but Dean can see there’s pride in his eyes too.

“I love you.” Cas says, voice ringing with emotion.

“I love you too blue eyes.”

They seal it with a long deep kiss, until Dean pulls away slightly, looking down at his boyfriend with a wide grin. “Hey Cas?”

“Yes?”

“Wanna fornicate?”

Cas looks up at him face flushed, eyes wide with surprise. “Right now?”

“Well yeah... Unless you don’t want to.”

“No it’s not that, I’m just surprised you’re in the mood. You were upset just a moment ago.”

Dean was crying just a few minutes ago, but right now he just feels kind of… Raw. Splayed open, completely vulnerable. And maybe that shouldn’t translate into horniness but for some reason it does. “When am I not in the mood?”

“Ok.” Cas says, “Then lie on your back.”

Dean is a bit taken aback by this order, because Cas isn’t usually this bossy in bed (at least not until they really get going). But he does follow it, rolling of off Cas and lying back on his bed. He feels Cas sitting up next to him, and lets out a moan when he feels Cas’s warm hand against his crotch. He feels Cas pull his pajama pants down, then his boxers, and then taking him in hand, stroking him to full hardness. But it’s not until he feels the unmistakable swipe of a tongue against the tip that he realises exactly where this is going.

“Cas you don’t… _Aaah_.”

Cas stills. “What’s the matter?”

“I just… Not that I don’t love where this is going but…”

Dean feels the weight of the other boy as Cas climbs on top of him, and then his face comes swimming into view.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asks, blue eyes wide.

Having Cas on top of him like this makes, and being partially naked while Cas is fully clothed Dean feel really vulnerable, and he feels a blush creeping up his neck.

“I just don’t want you to feel like…” Dean says, struggling with his words. And when he speaks again it comes out in a jumbled rush of words. “Look, I’m not like expecting blowjobs as payment for my emotional trauma or whatever.”

“Oh.” Cas says, his eyes going really, really warm. “Dean, that’s not what this is.”

“No?”

Cas rolls his eyes, smiling faintly. “No, believe it or not I am not under the impression that a blowjob will solve all our problems.”

“Okay well… Good...” Dean says, voice trailing off awkwardly.

Cas leans closer, pressing his lips against Dean’s in a soft close mouthed kiss. “I just want to take care of you.” He whispers. “Can I do that?”

Dean is not about to turn that offer down, so he just nods. Enthusiastically. Cas leans down for a final kiss before dismounting and returning to his ministrations. He strokes Dean a few times before taking him into his mouth. And _oh god_ he has such a good mouth. If Dean could, he would build a little house in Cas’s mouth, so his dick could take up permanent residence. And it would have a mailbox so his dick could send letters and shit. And a tiny little dog that his dick could play with in the yard and- _Aaah God_ . _Fuuuuck_.

“Fuck Cas, so good.” He babbles panting and rolling his hips unconsciously.

It’s not like Cas is some pornstar, he’s not like deepthroating or some crazy shit like that, he has a gag reflex. It’s just a normal (normal meaning fucking awesome) blowjob. But _fuuck_ it’s good. Pretty soon Dean is close, moaning hoarsely.

“ _Fuck baby, I’m gonna come,_ ” He warns, voice wrecked.

Cas just hums around him and keeps applying the perfect amount of pressure with his mouth, until Dean is crying out and coming. Boneless he slumps back against the mattress, breathing heavily. He hears the sound of what must be Cas taking care of himself, and he would offer to help, but he really can’t move right now. Dean is still catching his breath when a wet splash of warmth on his stomach informs him that his services will not be required.

They don’t do much for the rest of the day, but it’s really nice, just having Cas there. Not having to chase him or worry about what he’s doing. Because he’s right there, and he’s trying, and growing, and it has to be enough.

 

The next day, they’re having lunch on one of the benches outside and Dean is listening to Garth go on about how discovering pilates has changed his life and trying not to roll his eyes so hard he’s afraid he might give himself a brain hemorrhage. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Cas put his fork down, and take his phone out of his pocket.

“Give me your hand.” Cas says.

Dean turns toward him, watches as he taps something on the screen. “Why?”

Cas doesn’t answer, just reaches over, grabbing Dean’s right hand, taking hold of his thumb and pressing it to the lock button on his phone.

“What you doing baby?”

“I’m programming your thumb print into my phone.”

Oh. “Um… Ok why?”

“So you can unlock it if you want to.”

Cas says this so matter of factly he might as well be talking about the weather, as opposed to giving his boyfriend permission to snoop through his phone.

“You want me to look through your phone?”

“No, I want you to know that you can, if you feel like it would ease your mind.” He scoots closer to Dean. “I have nothing to hide from you.”

“Cas, you don’t have to do that.” He says, voice thick with feeling.

“I want to,” Cas looks down at his hands and his voice does that shaky thing that Dean has started to associate with Cas pushing himself to be more vulnerable. “I’ll do anything to earn back your trust.”

Dean just sort of looks at him for a moment, once again having the wind knocked out of him by how truly fucking gone he is on this person. “Fuck I love you.” He says then, ever the wordsmith.

Cas smiles and reaches his hand out to hold Dean’s. And they just look at each other for a moment, and Dean sees the reply clear in Cas’s eyes before he even opens his mouth.

“I love you too.”

“So you gonna kiss him or not? cuz we’re all waiting with bated breath over here.”

Jo’s obnoxiously amused voice coming from across the table breaks their little telepathic bubble. Cas blushes, undoubtedly at the realization that they both just sort of zoned out and had a pretty intimate moment in a not so intimate setting. And looking up at the rest of their friends faces he sees that Benny and Jo both seem to have found it funny, whereas Charlie has that expression she does when she’s getting really engaged in a movie and Garth looks like the human version of the heart eyes emoji.

“Sorry guys.” Dean says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Aw c’mon!” Charlie complains flicking Jo on the arm. “They were just about to, then you had to go and interrupt them!”

“You’re gay, why do you want to see to two dudes make out?” Dean asks, shooting her a playfully amused look.

“Not everything is about sex your perv. I’m a romantic.” Charlie replies.

Jo rolls her eyes. “Fine, I’m so sorry I interrupted your moment, please go forth and stick your tongues down each others throats.”

“Dude, we don’t make out on command.” Dean replies.

“I could make out.” Cas says matter of factly.

“Well okay then.” Dean says.

He puts his hands on the sides of Cas’s face, pulling him closer and capturing his lips in a sweet, slow kiss. They don’t break apart for a full minute.

“You’re welcome.” Dean says to the others when they separate. “I should be charging for that kind of show.”

 

When Dean walks to football practice after lunch, Cas accompanies him, making himself late for class. Dean can tell he’s got something on his mind and they walk in silence, because Dean doesn’t want to push. When they’re standing outside the locker room he turns to Cas, leaning down to kiss him quickly.

“See you later baby.” He says, starting to turn away.

“Wait,” Cas says.

“What’s up?”

Cas takes a deep breath, and looks Dean in the eye. The vulnerability in his blue eyes is striking. “I’m sorry.”

Dean opens his mouth to speak but Cas holds up a hand to stop him. “For what I did to you.” He continues. “It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done, and I’m sorry. “

Dean wracks his brain, trying to come up with a response. But when he opens his mouth all that comes out is: “Okay.”

Cas looks at him, eyes wide and expression puzzled. He cocks his head to the side. “Okay?”

Dean smiles, which seems to relax Cas a little.

“Yeah; okay.” he says, still smiling.

“Okay then…” Cas says, still clearly confused.

Dean takes a step towards him, putting himself in Cas’s space. “Look, I said I forgive you, and I meant it. What happened happened, and yeah it sucked, but can we just move forward?”

“I want to.” Cas says, his voice small. He bites his lip which is… Distracting. “But I feel like I don’t deserve your forgiveness. It’s my fault things are different between us now.”

Dean shrugs. “Things are different sure, but fuck, I still love you. Do you still love me Cas?”

“Yes.”

“So there you go.”

Cas smiles. “Don’t you think it may be just a little more complicated than that?”

Dean ponders it for a second before answering. “Honestly? No.”

Cas looks at him for just a few seconds before leaning over and pressing his lips to Dean’s. It starts out nice and chaste, but quickly starts to get a little more… french. Dean wraps his arms around Cas, pulling him closer.

“I kinda wanna fuck you right now.” Dean whispers.

Cas pulls away slightly, letting out a throaty laugh.

“You should probably go inside. And I should get to class.”

“Ugh. Fine.” Dean grumbles.”

“But you can come to my room later. Kevin will be out.”

Dean lights up. “Great! Should we do it on his bed? Just for a change?”

Cas smiles faintly and rolls his eyes. He leans in for a quick kiss goodbye. “I love you.” He says, before turning away.

Dean watches his retreating back, and feels a familiar twinge in his stomach at the sight. He lets out a soft sigh. Okay, so maybe he’s not completely over what happened. But he’s getting there. They’re getting there.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, leave kudos if you feel like it and tell me your thoughts in the comments. I'm really excited for the next installment in this series, it's sort of the one I've been wanting to get to for a while. I haven't actually started it yet, so it could be a while, and it's also going to be a little different... Also tell me if you spot any errors, I read through it like a gazillion times, but I'm sure I've missed some.


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